"So, why don't you do that anymore?"

Last summer a friend of mine ("JR") and I were driving around town running some errands. A song came on the radio that reminded me of my youth. "My youth" in my case is everything pretty much pre-1990. I was telling JR that I remember when I was a kid I used to sit and listen to my little clock radio and wait for the songs I liked to come on so I could sing with them. I used to love that. As I grew a little older and my access to audio-electronics got better I would play records and tapes (and 8-tracks, too!) and just relax for hours listening to what I loved.

I said to JR it used to help me keep my sanity through some of the tougher times of my childhood. I could always retreat back to my music. So, in a moment of compassion and clarity (which JR would tell you was rare for him) he asked me, "So, why don't you do that anymore?"

I kept driving on, in silence, as I pondered that question. I had no answer. Eventually I had to come out with that ridiculous answer my kids give me when I'm asking them why they did something stupid: "I don't know."

I am typing this little blog entry because I finally found the answer...at 0130 hours today. It is a Sunday morning, and I found the answer when I wasn't looking for it. For the last two hours I have been sitting in front of my computer, enjoying not only the music I love, but watching old videos of it, as well. As much as modern technology has its downsides, one of the upsides is the entertainment value.

The answer is this: I have become so busy in my day-to-day affairs of trying to balance home, work, etc, that I have forgotten myself. I have forgotten that Dave needs "me time" just like everyone else. Yes, I do play games with my buddies. Yes, I do have a good time with my wife and kids. What I don't often do anymore, though, is just take time for me. To listen to music...to watch a good movie...to read a good book. Lately I try to tack these things on to an already busy day, and that just doesn't work.

The solution to my problem is obvious, but that doesn't really make it easy. I have a boatload of responsibilities. I have done this to myself, of course, but that doesn't make it any easier to get out of them. Do I just tell my family I don't have time for them for a day or two and take off for God-knows-where? I can't do that.

So for now, or at least until I retire, I stay up late at night once in a while, listening to old songs and watching old videos, and try to regain the joy I once had in these things when life was a lot simpler, and I had a lot less on my plate.

And, for the exquisitely curious, here's some of tonight's play list:

"I Want To Know What Love Is" - FOREIGNER
"Vienna" - Billy Joel
"Sailing" - Christopher Cross
"Break It To Me Gently" - Juice Newton
"Night Shift" - The Commodores
"Hands to Heaven" - Breathe
"A Groovy Kind of Love" - Phil Collins
"Nikita" - Elton John
"Drive" - The Cars
"Words Get In The Way" - Gloria Estefan
"Broken Wings" - Mr. Mister

Each one of these songs holds a special memory for me. Now that I've managed to fill my head and heart with these ghosts from the past, I think I'll head to bed...

Take these broken wings...